Breaking Down the Walls - my thoughts on a few books I am reading

“I found myself growing more and more angry and I felt the anger begin to focus upon Danny Sanders, and suddenly it was not at all difficult for me to hate him.”[1] This is a great example of “being in the box”, or having a heart at war. In The Anatomy of Peace[2] the authors identify how we can have a heart at war or a heart at peace. To have a heart of peace one must act according to one’s own sense of what is right at a particular moment. When we fail to honor that sense we betray ourselves and create a heart at war. When our heart is at war, we begin to justify* our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We stop seeing other individuals as people; instead we view them as objects. With this justification we build a “box” that actually becomes our “new world.” Our very being changes. This is what Rueven was doing. Danny was no longer a person; he was the enemy. Eventually Danny and Rueven become friends, but only after they see each other as a person.
In the Taming of the Shrew[3] it is easy to see that Katherine has a heart at war. She is angry and bitter and treats others horribly. This is part of being in the box. In the “world” she has created, she has justified her behavior. But I believe that her father, Baptista also has a heart at war. He doesn’t view Katherine as a person. She is simply the Shrew. When we are acting from “inside the box” we actually provoke in others the very comments and behaviors we are accusing them of. So in other words, because Baptista sees Katherine as a shrew, she acts like a shrew.
It is easy for me to see the “boxes” of others. As I look at the individuals in the stories I’ve read and the people around me, I can see where they have built these boxes. I can see how they are justifying their behavior. But in myself…it is much harder to see the boxes I have created. I imagine that this is because I am “inside” the box. I can’t see it because it is all around me. It IS my world. This is a scary thought, because in reality when I choose to betray myself, I am choosing evil. We have a choice in all things, to choose that which is right or good or to choose that which is evil. When I don’t follow the promptings or sense that I feel at a given moment, I am in reality choosing evil. When I look at the consequences of this self-betrayal…the anger, frustration, fear, envy, etc., I can see that it is truly evil.
As Steven Covey says, “Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are…we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.”[4] When I see others as a “shrew”, I am in essence viewing them from my own paradigm, my “box”. I am actually provoking that response in them by my own actions. Covey goes on to say, “It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.”[5] I must break down the walls, so that I can see clearly; I must change my paradigms to become the person I want to be. Give me that sledge hammer, I am ready!

*To justify= to straighten that which is crooked – to make something wrong appear right.

[1] Chaim Potak, The Chosen (Random House, 1967) p.24
[2] The Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict (San Francisco, Berrett –Koehler Publishers, 2006)
[3] William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew.
[4] Stephan R Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Free Press, 1989) p. 28
[5] Ibid p. 31

5 Pillar Testimonial

Are you thinking about joining a 5 pillar group, but aren't quite sure? Here is a great post by someone who completed the class and her thoughts about it...

I can't say enough good about the 5 Pillar tutorial. It is absolutely essential for a successful TJED home to have parent's who are immersed in "You not Them" and while there are many ways this could happen, it usually doesn't. :) The 5 Pillar Tutorial is put together at a practice scholar level (or apprentice for those who take it more seriously) so it isn't scary and intimidating so much as it is a fun way to dive into scholar phase with other like minded people. The support of others is an essential component to scholar phase. We need someone to discuss what we are thinking with. It's like having a little GWC pod in your home town. Oration skills are developed in group discussion as well as courage, diplomacy and humility. There is so much to be learned and practiced in the group discussion that cannot be obtained independently.Some of us are a little envious of the scholar classes our youth get to take and the 5 Pillar Tutorial is the chance to dive in ourselves. It is set up to meet on a weekly basis with assigned reading and sometimes lectures given by the mentor leading the class. The experience of reading great books, discussing them with other people and expressing thought through writing is extremely valuable. Most importantly, we need to experience this ourselves so that we know what it looks like. If we know what it looks like than we can start creating it in our homes with our children. This is the process they will be experiencing in scholar phase, but there's not reason it can't start long before that. I would like to see 5 Pillar used as an outreach tool in our communities. What better thing can we do to help our world on a community level than raise the educational level of other adults in our communities.? When there is a crisis I want to know that many people in my community, not just a few, know HOW to think, not just what to think. Reading, writing about and discussing classics is the way this process begins. Last of all, I must say that the experience of being the mentor who went to training and then lead the class has changed me as a person forever. I went into it with a great desire to pursue my own education and to serve my community. I came out of it a leader. During training last summer I recall catching a vision of what this experience was going to do for me as a person and it was so awesome! Now I can look back after my first year and take for granted that personal growth. I am a different person, now, a better person. Anyone with the opportunity to lead this class should know that it is absolutely worth every minute of it. Do it! Catch the vision of educational change in your personal life, your home and your community.

Anna Gilmore

Characteristics of a great leader

I decided to do a study of leadership in the scriptures. I wanted to know what were the characteristics of a great leader. Afterall, if I am trying to give my children a "leadership" education, I need to set the example; I need to be a great leader, if I want my children to be great leaders. Here are the characteristics I identified in the great leaders of God's people...

A leader:

• Fears God and follows His counsel
• Is chosen by God before the foundation of the world
• Seeks wisdom and understanding
• Is humble and faithful
• Treats everyone fairly and justly (no respecter of persons)
• Is known by the people
• Keeps passions in-line with the purpose
• Speaks carefully
• Forsakes ALL evil
• Cleaves unto all good
• Keeps the commandments
• Encourages and teaches others to choose what is right
• Makes it easier for others to follow God
• Serves others - (to serve = voluntarily submit to another)
• Does not hide from or avoid responsibility
• Knows the people he/she leads - rejoices with them, suffers with them and loves them
• Fasts and prays often
• Teaches others to be leaders
• Never gives up

That is quite a list! How can I gain all of these traits? On first glance it seems overwhelming. But as I studied the list, I realized that all of these traits are gained by doing one thing: following Christ. He exemplified all of these characteristics. As I strive to become more like Him, to follow His example, I will become the leader I desire to be. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."

Five Pillar Reading List

Semester One

A Thomas Jefferson Education - Oliver DeMille
Little Britches - Ralph Moody
The Chosen - Chaim Potok
Taming of the Shrew - William Shakespeare
The 7 Keys of Great Teaching (CD) - Oliver DeMille
Jane Eyre - Jane Austen
Walking Drum - Louis L'Amour
Laddie - Gene Stratton-Porter

Semester Two

Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephan Covey
What is Seen and What is Not Seen – Frederic Bastiat (In Essay on Political Economy)
The Fourth Turning - William Strauss
2 plays by Shakespeare (TBA)
Understanding the Times - David A Noebel
Alas Babylon - Pat Frank

Semester Three

The Seven Lesson School Teacher – John Taylor Gatto
How Children Learn – John Holt
A Market Based Education: A New Model for Schools - Kathleen Harward
The New Commonwealth School – Aneladee Milne
The One Minute Teacher - Spencer Johnson
Multiple Intelligences - Howard Gardner
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Leadership Education - Oliver DeMille
The Virginian - Owen Wister
Spiritual Lives of Great Composers - Patrick Kavanaugh

Semester Four

The Abolition of Man - C. S. Lewis
Walden - Henry David Thoreau
3 Plays by Shakespeare (TBA)
Uncle Tom’s Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens